Lying in my blood…

And there I was…lying in layers of dried yet still fresh blood with an uncut cord. I was malnourished, naked, and completely abandoned lying in my desert. Those who saw me spat nothing but mockery and laughter while they bluntly illustrated that they felt no compassion towards me. On the day I was “born” I was but yet despised.

Yet almost 6 years ago to this day, He passed by and saw me drowning, suffocating, and dying in my blood. He looked past that decrepit and disgusting flesh and with great power said, “LIVE!”

With the corner of His cloak He covered me. He became everything to someone who once had it “all” yet truly had nothing. . His everlasting oath- a covenant –required that I must surrender what once offered me “life”. My Elohim-My Groom-How He adorned His bride with the finest things.

I became a queen-someone looked upon with the highest of regards on account of what My Elohim blessed me with.

However, like an oasis in the middle of the desert, my life became what looked like a mirage, something too good to be true. That which He entrusted to me-His Bride became nothing more than the expected. His blessings were used for selfish ambitions and He watched as His queen fell further away.  The hidden idols of the heart had been given life within the temple of God.

God’s temple was now nothing but rags-and that was the best that I desired to offer Him.

Ezekiel 16

The past few months God has made His Word become applicably more alive to me than ever before. After the “of course I’m a great Follower-I don’t really struggle with anything “ was concurred to be completely false, the Father has essentially ripped open my chest, torn through my ribs and analyzed my heart and revealed to me (in detail) me the “hidden sins” of my heart that separate me from Him. What appeared to be was not. I love how He uses the words He spoke through mere men who lived so very long, so shake and awaken us in order that we might be drawn closer to Him. For the past two months or so, I have been convicted of the place in my life where I have placed the Father …a temple made of rags when in fact He deserves a temple made of the finest things.


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Oh Lord, You’re beautiful
Your face is all I see
And when Your eyes, are on this child
Your grace abounds to me


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I don’t know much about soldiers… I know they fight with courage, passion, endure many hardships, sometimes they live in extreme heat, often they are far away from home, and many times they miss those special moments in life all for the country they love.

Today I had a “soldier” moment….I may not be fighting in “the war” but sometimes living alone in another country so very far away from home doing what you love best…Studying the language….sometimes feels like a battle. Somedays, if you let it, the culture can overpower you…it’s difficult living a culture that’s not your own. Other days, you just smile because you know what got you where you are and that.. is passion. ☺

Today was a typical Sunday afternoon over here, I was coming home from lunch, grabbed some groceries, walked home, checked my mail, got some mail, began the 45 second ascent to my house via elevator, opened the letter…started to read it and when the doors opened all I could do was take one step out and that was as far as I could make it. I didn’t do the dramatic fall to the knees “WHOA” as I read the letter…but more so the “Asain squat” surrounded by my groceries and then the tears came…. The letter was from THEM…. I haven’t talked to “them” in a few weeks, but the letters spoke more to me than any phone call could do.

“During college you were always busy learning or working. It didn’t bother us too much because we saw you ever now and then. You gave us a hug and we gave you a hug…it’s different now that you are 10,000 miles away…”

“I stopped working in the garden and looked across the valley and saw a beautiful sunset and thought of you.”

“During the summer I missed walking down the beach with you and now that it’s fall I wish you were here so we could all ride up the mountains and get some fudge!”

8…yes 8 handwritten letters from a brother of few words and sweet sister who is full of love. The letters were just a glimpse into 8 days of their lives… days that I would have never known about. Thanks sweet brother and sister for taking the time to speak my love language and write me some letters! I love and miss you so so so much!

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The Sun and the Moon

The sky was beginning to darken, it was raining, and of course I had no umbrella.  I quickly took the back way to go meet a friend when it happened. Just as I turned the corner- like a hundred times before- there was that iron gated Door that I had to pass through…..

Click Play…

As soon as I crossed the threshold, my Ipod switched to this song. The piano’s deep sound made my swift steps fade into a slow procession. It took me back to last time I heard that song, at my friend’s Rachel and Stuart wedding. It was the very song that she walked to- to meet her future husband.


This is the same path that I take every week to meet Him. Where I join Him in what He is doing. Why was this time different? My heart started to beat nervously and quickly, while my body went kind of numb. He was reminding me that just like Rachel walked to go meet her groom at the end of the aisle on that day a few years ago, so tonight I was meeting Mine.  Through the lyrics He spoke to me…“All that I have is yours… All that I am is yours…I am a Light that can reach it all…When You say forever…You’ve already captured Me.” My tears fell like the surrounding rain. He pursues when I least expect it.   

PS just so you know mom… It wasn’t too dark, had my cell phone and I’ve gone that way a 100 times its safe! You’ve seen it before 😉

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Dear John….

you have taught me a lifetime of convicting wisdom with the words that the Father spoke through you.

In the darkness, our deadly life-shattering, life-taking sins are that which remain hidden to the world yet they are the very chains and weights that we are bound to and the things that cling to us. Through our power with every movement in an attempt to escape these chains they become more like one with our flesh, defining who we truly are, who in our selfish nature we revert to, and the very thing which we in our hearts have no desire to become.

We speak and live out the Word only through our mouths and not even thinking that the Word must be our core-the thing that spews from our heart and is lived out through our actions and lives. If we say that we are a believer yet there is sin-that hidden sin-the acknowledgement of JC’s ultimate sacrifice for us has not taken root in our hearts.

To know Him- My Beloved- Elohim…means to be transformed inimately. Dying to every suffocating sin…giving Him your hand and allowing Him -through His power-to pull you up out of that deep dark quick-sanded pit that you have made your home. To allow the love of God to implant a desire in your heart to break away from the idols (not statues) that you have been worshipping in your heart for days, weeks, months, or even years.   In the severe darkness in our lives only the Bright Shining Light has the ability to overcome that which overpowers us. 

1 John 1& 2

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MOM and DAD!!!!

HERE’S YOUR SURPRISE!!! This is one is easier to watch than the one on fbook! 🙂 I love you!

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What is a rent-a-dog you ask? This… is the face of a rented dog….

But it’s not really what you think! Her owners have gone on a long vacation so I got the honor of watching her! :)Adrian is an Asian bred dog. Asian as in..I’m not sure what she is… I am thinking half bulldog half greyhound, half mutt, and half fox.


She’s pretty much the best dog I have ever met. If you say sit she sits. If you say Crate… she’ll go straight to her crate. If you say dance she can stand up on her back two legs and jump around in circles. She is pretty awesome! 🙂


So what kind of breed do you think she is?


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