Yet almost 6 years ago to this day, He passed by and saw me drowning, suffocating, and dying in my blood. He looked past that decrepit and disgusting flesh and with great power said, “LIVE!”

With the corner of His cloak He covered me. He became everything to someone who once had it “all” yet truly had nothing. . His everlasting oath- a covenant –required that I must surrender what once offered me “life”. My Elohim-My Groom-How He adorned His bride with the finest things.

I became a queen-someone looked upon with the highest of regards on account of what My Elohim blessed me with.

However, like an oasis in the middle of the desert, my life became what looked like a mirage, something too good to be true. That which He entrusted to me-His Bride became nothing more than the expected. His blessings were used for selfish ambitions and He watched as His queen fell further away.  The hidden idols of the heart had been given life within the temple of God.

God’s temple was now nothing but rags-and that was the best that I desired to offer Him.

Ezekiel 16

The past few months God has made His Word become applicably more alive to me than ever before. After the “of course I’m a great Follower-I don’t really struggle with anything “ was concurred to be completely false, the Father has essentially ripped open my chest, torn through my ribs and analyzed my heart and revealed to me (in detail) me the “hidden sins” of my heart that separate me from Him. What appeared to be was not. I love how He uses the words He spoke through mere men who lived so very long, so shake and awaken us in order that we might be drawn closer to Him. For the past two months or so, I have been convicted of the place in my life where I have placed the Father …a temple made of rags when in fact He deserves a temple made of the finest things.

Today I had a “soldier” moment….I may not be fighting in “the war” but sometimes living alone in another country so very far away from home doing what you love best…Studying the language….sometimes feels like a battle. Somedays, if you let it, the culture can overpower you…it’s difficult living a culture that’s not your own. Other days, you just smile because you know what got you where you are and that.. is passion. ☺

Today was a typical Sunday afternoon over here, I was coming home from lunch, grabbed some groceries, walked home, checked my mail, got some mail, began the 45 second ascent to my house via elevator, opened the letter…started to read it and when the doors opened all I could do was take one step out and that was as far as I could make it. I didn’t do the dramatic fall to the knees “WHOA” as I read the letter…but more so the “Asain squat” surrounded by my groceries and then the tears came…. The letter was from THEM…. I haven’t talked to “them” in a few weeks, but the letters spoke more to me than any phone call could do.

“During college you were always busy learning or working. It didn’t bother us too much because we saw you ever now and then. You gave us a hug and we gave you a hug…it’s different now that you are 10,000 miles away…”

“I stopped working in the garden and looked across the valley and saw a beautiful sunset and thought of you.”

“During the summer I missed walking down the beach with you and now that it’s fall I wish you were here so we could all ride up the mountains and get some fudge!”

8…yes 8 handwritten letters from a brother of few words and sweet sister who is full of love. The letters were just a glimpse into 8 days of their lives… days that I would have never known about. Thanks sweet brother and sister for taking the time to speak my love language and write me some letters! I love and miss you so so so much!

Click Play…

As soon as I crossed the threshold, my Ipod switched to this song. The piano’s deep sound made my swift steps fade into a slow procession. It took me back to last time I heard that song, at my friend’s Rachel and Stuart wedding. It was the very song that she walked to- to meet her future husband.

This is the same path that I take every week to meet Him. Where I join Him in what He is doing. Why was this time different? My heart started to beat nervously and quickly, while my body went kind of numb. He was reminding me that just like Rachel walked to go meet her groom at the end of the aisle on that day a few years ago, so tonight I was meeting Mine.  Through the lyrics He spoke to me…“All that I have is yours… All that I am is yours…I am a Light that can reach it all…When You say forever…You’ve already captured Me.” My tears fell like the surrounding rain. He pursues when I least expect it.   

PS just so you know mom… It wasn’t too dark, had my cell phone and I’ve gone that way a 100 times its safe! You’ve seen it before

In the darkness, our deadly life-shattering, life-taking sins are that which remain hidden to the world yet they are the very chains and weights that we are bound to and the things that cling to us. Through our power with every movement in an attempt to escape these chains they become more like one with our flesh, defining who we truly are, who in our selfish nature we revert to, and the very thing which we in our hearts have no desire to become.

We speak and live out the Word only through our mouths and not even thinking that the Word must be our core-the thing that spews from our heart and is lived out through our actions and lives. If we say that we are a believer yet there is sin-that hidden sin-the acknowledgement of JC’s ultimate sacrifice for us has not taken root in our hearts.

To know Him- My Beloved- Elohim…means to be transformed inimately. Dying to every suffocating sin…giving Him your hand and allowing Him -through His power-to pull you up out of that deep dark quick-sanded pit that you have made your home. To allow the love of God to implant a desire in your heart to break away from the idols (not statues) that you have been worshipping in your heart for days, weeks, months, or even years.   In the severe darkness in our lives only the Bright Shining Light has the ability to overcome that which overpowers us. 

1 John 1& 2

HERE’S YOUR SURPRISE!!! This is one is easier to watch than the one on fbook! I love you!

But it’s not really what you think! Her owners have gone on a long vacation so I got the honor of watching her! Adrian is an Asian bred dog. Asian as in..I’m not sure what she is… I am thinking half bulldog half greyhound, half mutt, and half fox.

She’s pretty much the best dog I have ever met. If you say sit she sits. If you say Crate… she’ll go straight to her crate. If you say dance she can stand up on her back two legs and jump around in circles. She is pretty awesome!

So what kind of breed do you think she is?

 Whose life gives me a yearning desire to know the Father on a deeper level and to be the type of woman who depends on the Father to fulfill all my needs…2 Peter 1.5-8       

When he speaks our Father is glorified through his  words, he is a man whose words, remind me of Solomon’s wisdom… Jhn 16.14

He is a protector of his heart, his mind, and his soul from the things that are far from God. Ps. 25. 20, Prov. 4.23, Phillip.4.7

He prays for those in my life who do not know the Father Col 4.3.-4…

And he faithfully prays for me everyday… Col 4.2

He redeems as Boaz once did for his beloved Ruth… Ruth3.11-12a  

And he patiently awaits for the times that have been written but have not yet come… Hab. 2.2-3

I’ve been on a lot of Dates with the Father these past few months, especially on those trying days, where my desires took the place of His desires. Where the matters of my heart had to be sifted, scoured, and exposed, for the process of refinement to begin and in order to learn the love of Calvary-forgetfulness of self in order to be strong to serve. He gives all and He asks all…to love what He commands and to desire what He promises. These two things can’t be found except through a lifetime of “dates” and obedience. Over and over He has said that the heart set on doing His will should never fear defeat.

Recently I spoke with Him…giving Him all that He asks of me…I said, “My foot is slipping and uneasiness is great within me.”  While He answered, “My love will always support you and through my Word, joy will be brought to your soul.”

Truly my heart waits silently for the Father; my deliverance comes from Him. In truth he is My Rock-the architect of my Soul, He designed my tower of strength, so that I may stand unshaken. Trusting always in Him and pouring out my heart to Him; He is forever my shelter. 

Here I had some awesome parties with my friends! I have the best friends here! For one outing I got to go to Outback Steakhouse (YUMMMMM!!!!!) then I got to hear a friend sing a really good song, with some yummy chocolate cake!

Another outing was with some of my closest friends. We ate some pig brains, duck intestines, cow stomach and of course beef bacon. Then we headed to the local KTV, a place where you sing sing and then sing some more, sometimes until the wee hours of the morning. It is really fun! I invited all of my friends! I arrived to my own party about 15 minutes late and when I opened the door 30 of my friends were sitting there! BIG SMILE! They each gave me something really cool! Some of the presents were: a teddy bear with a veil (because my friend said it reminded her of my stories about My Groom), a machine that makes stars and a moon in your house (i always tell my friends the one thing I miss from home are the stars) and another SUPER good present was the song below from my friend! It was quite the birthday song, everybody thought he was a professional singer. Don’t worry Mom we made the strawberry cake and EVERYBODY LOVED IT!

For another outing one of my SUPER AWESOME friends made me a cake. She said it could be anything… so I asked for a hamburger cake…. I guess because I really like hamburgers?!? Isn’t that the COOLEST cake you have ever seen?